- In five, four, three, two...
- Hey! Welcome to icarly!
- You know who we are.
- You don't know?
Okay, then...I'm Carly!
- I'm Sam!
Now ya know!
- So guess what?
- We've been watching some action movies.
- We love watchin' dudes fight.
- Even though we know
the punches aren't really real.
- The actors just swing and miss,
but they play a sound effect.
- Like this!
Looked like I punched her, right?
Oh, my god! Are you okay?
- I...I think so.
'Cause they also use fake blood!
Bwaaaah!
- And now moving on...
- Last week, one of our viewers
submitted an awesome video clip
to us right here at icarly.Com.
- It's from keri mackler
of Providence, Rhode Island.
- She's a singer.
- This girl can wail.
- Freddie, play keri's video clip.
- Playback.
- Hi, Carly. Hey, Sam.
I love your web show.
Okay, check this out.
This is one of my mom's
really good glasses.
'Kay, now watch...
Yeah!
Nice!
- Did you see that?
- Why can't she sing that note
next to our math teacher's head?
- All right, now to finish off
tonight's Webcast, my brother Spencer...
- An amazing artist... - Is gonna show you
his latest sculpture...
- His coolest one ever...
- So hit the applause button and say hello
to my big brother, Spencer!
- Yo-yo-Dee-yo!
- Tell the icarly viewers
about your latest masterpiece.
- Okay, so the other night
I'm watchin' this TV show
about building houses, right?
And this one guy asks this other guy
a nail gun or a hammer.
And the guy goes, "personally,
I'm a fan of hammers."
And when he said that,
it inspired me to build this...
A fan of hammers!
Sam hit that button.
Thank you!
I understand your excitement!
Hey, check this out.
It actually works.
- All right!
- Fan-tastic!
Uh, is it supposed to do that?
- Um, no, not really, no.
Hit the floor!
It needs to be adjusted.
- In five, four, three, two.
* I know you'll see, somehow the world
will change for me and be so wonderful,
live life, breathe air, I know somehow
we're gonna get there
and feel so wonderful, it's all for real,
I'm telling you just how I feel,
so wake up the members of my nation,
it's your time to be, there's no chance
unless you take one and the time
to see the brighter side
of every situation,
some things are meant to be,
so give me your best
and leave the rest to me,
leave it all to me, leave it all to me,
just leave it all to me *
- I got it.
- If it's Freddie's mom,
don't open the door.
- Hey, my mom happens to be-- yeah, don't.
- Granddad.
- Spencer.
- Granddad!
- Carly!
How's my little gumdrop, huh?
- Awesome! Did you see
my web show last night?!
- Yes, I did, and you were adorable.
- Thanks! So, what are you
doing here in Seattle?
- Why didn't ya tell us you were comin'?
- What, a man can't drive
ninety minutes to surprise
his favorite grandkids, huh?
- How come my grandfather
just sleeps and burps?
- 'Cause he's related to you?
- Oh, you remember Freddie.
- 'Course. He lives right across the hall.
- And I think you met Sam
last time you were here.
- Yes, she borrowed ten dollars from me
and then ate my sandwich.
- Nice to see ya again.
- Oh, Carly, ah-ah, got
a little present for ya.
- Really?
Ooh, a gift card
for groovy smoothies! Thanks.
- How much?
- Sam.
- Thirty bucks.
- Good man.
Let's go spend that bad boy.
- I can't now.
My granddad just got here.
- Ah, go have fun.
I'll be in town a few days.
- Okay!
- Smooth-eeee!
- Yeah!
- Bring me back a blueberry banana blitz?
- Sure. Be back whenever.
- See ya whenever.
I used to get the strawberry splat,
but then I tried
the blueberry banana blitz--
- are you outta your mind?
- I shoulda got the strawberry splat?
- I am talking about your
little stunt on Carly's Webcast.
- Oh, the fan of hammers.
- You nearly took Carly's head off. It was
incredibly irresponsible.
- It was an accident.
And I am very responsible.
- Oh, ya think?
A responsible guardian
tells a 13-year-old girl
she can just come home "whenever"?
- She's just across the street.
And she's with two friends,
and she has her cell phone
with her at all times.
- Y'know, I was not happy when you dropped
out of law school to become an artist.
- Wow! Really?
- You could've been a fantastic lawyer!
- I didn't wanna be a lawyer!
- Why not?!
- Because when you're a lawyer,
you can't do this!
- You had such a bright future.
- Aw, sorry, I can't hear ya.
I'm rockin' out.
- You could've been a brilliant lawyer,
that's all I'm trying to say!
But then you start making
these weird sculptures,
and now...And now you're putting
Carly at risk. So, maybe
it's for the best if...
If Carly comes to live with me!
- * get over it, you can live without her,
you can live without the-- *
- Carly needs a grown-up.
- I am a grown-up.
- Huh... - And I really don't think
Carly wants go live with you in yakima.
- And why is that?
- 'Cause she likes to have fun.
- Oh, you don't think I'm fun, huh?
- That was impressive.
- I'll be at the Parker-Nichols
hotel, two blocks over.
I love you, Spencer.
But Carly needs a responsible
adult authority figure.
I'll see you tomorrow.
- Whoop...
- Hey, Spence, I'm back with one large
blueberry banana blitz.
- Where have you been?
- At the groovy smoothie.
- For a half hour?
- Smoothies are thick.
You can only suck 'em down so fast.
- No excuses.
You're outta control.
- Yeah, clearly I have a problem.
I'll check into smoothies
anonymous tomorrow.
- When you live under my roof,
you live by my rules, so...
Always try your best
and eat your vegetables!
- Okay, are you on
some kind of new medication
I should know about?
- Ahh, I can't do this.
- Do what?
- After you left, granddad told me
he doesn't think I'm responsible enough
to take care of you.
- That's insane.
- He thinks you'd be better off
living with him in yakima.
- Yakima?!
I ain't goin' to yakima!
He can't do that!
Can he do that?
- I dunno.
- But you're very responsible.
- Our grandfather doesn't think so.
- Well, we're just gonna have
to change granddad's mind
'cause I'm not moving to yakima.
- All right, don't worry
too much about this yet.
Just...Go do your homework or somethin'.
- 'Kay.
- I mean... You go do your homework
right now, young lady!
- Yes, sir.
- And just say no!
- Always!
- And stay in school!
- Maybe!
- Will you chill?
- I'll chill after granddad's
convinced that Spencer's
a responsible adult.
- Yeah, good luck with that.
- Hey, could ya keep
your hands off my equipment over there?
- I could... But I don't think I will.
- I'm wearing my suit.
- Nice.
- Isn't it kinda small on you?
- Yeah. 'Cause I only wore it
once in the tenth grade for a school play.
- What role did you play?
- Man in suit.
- Ah.
- I hate it!
- You're not supposed to like it.
It's supposed to help granddad
see you as a mature adult.
- Okay. But can we have
ice cream after he's gone?
- Doorbell.
- Smells like your granddad.
You smell like garbage.
- Your butt's shaped like a ham.
- Hey, no fighting tonight.
You figure out how to tie
your tie, and I'll go downstairs
and stall granddad.
- 'Kay.
- What do you want us to do?
- Get out.
- Right.
- Wait, the back way!
- Granddad.
- Surprise!
- Wow.
An "I heart yakima" t-shirt.
- For you.
- Yay.
Why'd you get me this?
- Carly...Come, sit.
I got in touch with your dad last night.
- Aw, man.
- I told him I was worried
about you, y'know,
living here with Spencer.
- And what'd he say?
- He thinks Spencer's very responsible.
- See?! He knows what he's talkin' about.
- Wait. Your dad also agreed
that, since he's not here
right now, I can decide
what's best for you.
- Well, what does he know?!
He's in the Navy on a submarine
three miles under water!
He's probably all dizzy!
- Carly, you're coming
to live with me in yakima.
- No! I wanna stay here
in Seattle with Spencer!
- Spencer needs to learn
to take care of himself
before he can take care of a child.
- I'm not a child.
I'm just young and short.
- Sweetheart-- - Spencer's very responsible
and very grown up!
- Hey, you guys... Ohh! Ooh!
Who's ready for dinner?
- Please don't make me move to yakima.
- Please don't make her move to yakima.
- Yakima's a great town.
- No "great town"
can be named yakima.
It sounds like someone throwing up.
- It does.
Yakima!
- I'm sorry.
She's coming to live with me.
- Then I wore this monkey suit for nothing!
Stupid tie!
- You're wrong about him.
- Look, I love Spencer--
- then let me keep living here.
- And what if something bad happens?
- Nothing's gonna happen.
- You don't know that.
Remember the hammer.
- I ducked!
- What if you hadn't?
- But I did!
- Can't you see I'm only
thinking of what's best for you?
- No! What about school?
- You can transfer to yakima junior high.
- Gross!
- I'm sorry, baby, my mind's made up.
You can have a day to pack up your things
and say goodbye to your friends.
We leave tomorrow night.
- Call for help.
- I can't believe you're moving.
- Well, believe it 'cause it's happening.
- Ya know, I oughtta
go tell your grandfather a thing or two.
- If only you knew a thing or two.
- Ooh, can I have this?
- I'm moving, I'm not dying.
- But don't you want me to have something
to remember you by? Like
9,000 of your favorite songs?
- Give it.
- I'm just tryin'
to cheer you up.
- You can't cheer me up.
I'm moving to yakima.
I'm gonna be a yakimite...
Or a yakimaneeshin.
- Yakimaniac.
- You're yakimannoying.
So...What about our show?
- I don't see how we're
gonna do icarly anymore.
Ugh, this whole thing's
so lame. So Spencer's a little...Unusual.
Big deal. It doesn't mean
he can't take care of me.
- Hey, what if we think
of a way for your granddad
to see that Spencer's a good guardian?
- Yeah.
- How?
- I could pretend to do
something really terrible.
- Right. Somethin' that'll get
Spencer really upset with you.
- Yeah, then he'll freak out and yell at me
right in front of granddad.
- Which will make him realize
Spencer's a responsible authority figure.
- I love it.
- So what bad thing are you gonna do?
- I dunno.
Let's think of something.
- I enjoy this assignment.
- It's open!
I thought you weren't comin'
to get Carly till later.
- She called and asked me
to come here for dinner.
- Oh, did she?
- Yes. Maybe she's handling
this whole thing more maturely
than you are.
- Maybe she is.
Must you look in my wok?
- I just wanna know what
you're cooking for dinner.
- Chicken stir-fry. That okay?
Or do you think mister chicken
should go pack his bags
and live with you in yakima?
- Will you stop trying
to pick fights with me?
- You're just mad
because I don't want to be
a lawyer like you.
- I love you, Spencer,
but I love Carly, too,
and as her grandfather,
it's my responsibility
to make sure that she-- - hey, guys.
Oh, my god.
- Carly! What have you done?!
- Well, I figured since
I'm going to a new school,
it's a perfect time to,
y'know, re-invent myself.
Ya like?
- Like?!
- You look fantastic!
What?!
- I mean... You really like it?
- Yeah! You got the crazy hair
and the piercings.
It's so in your face.
Y'know, like...Boo!
- You approve of this?!
- Give us a sec.
- How can you think
she looks good like that?
- I don't.
- Then why did you tell her--
- she's a little teenager.
- But-- - you gotta let kids
express themselves.
- I always let Carly express herself.
- Can I interrupt?
Not now!
- Look, this is just a phase.
- And what's her next phase?
Stealing cars?
Swimming with hobos?
- I don't think hobos enjoy swimming.
- This just proves
that you're unfit to take care
of my granddaughter.
- She's my little sister,
and I am very responsible,
no matter what you say.
I know everything that goes on around here.
- Uh, guys?
What?!
- Fire alarm!
- Don't just yell!
Do something!
- Yes, we have a kitchen fire!
Please send help right away!
- Aaah!
Aw! And I just bought this broom!
Aaah!
- Hey, don't worry, we're just gonna go--
- quiet! I'm saving your life!
- Aah!
- Careful with her!
- Run, old man, run!
- Aah! Aah!
- Aah! Too many people
in my lobby! Keep off my floor!
I just mopped!
Aah!
- Just wait in the car, mom!
Man!
Hey. Freddie texted me
sayin' you guys had a fire.
Nice rods and rings.
- If you like 'em, take 'em.
I already told my granddad
and Spencer they were fake.
- Why?
- 'Cause Spencer thought
I looked good, then his chicken
burst into flames,
and now I'm movin' to yakima.
- So this fire is your fault.
- Mrs. Benson, please, I--
- because of you, I had to stop
right in the middle of rubbing
anti-tick lotion on Freddie.
- Mom, I don't have ticks.
- They hide in your leg hair.
- I don't have leg hair!
- Which worries me deeply!
- I'm sorry.
I was making dinner, and it caught on fire.
- Well, you're lucky no one got hurt.
- Anti-tick lotion?
- It's precautionary.
- You were right, okay?
I am irresponsible.
Carly should go live with you.
- Spencer.
- Well, I'm glad you see it my way, Spence.
You can come visit any time you like.
- All right, fire's out.
It's all clear.
- How's the damage?
- Nothin' too bad.
- Mmm!
This is some good chicken stir-fry.
- 'Kay. This is my last suitcase.
I'm ready to ruin my life.
- Look, I know you're upset,
kiddo, but once you smell that yakima air,
you'll feel better.
- Yes, the sweet smell of yakima.
- Here.
- What's this?
- Everything you need to know
about taking care of Carly.
I listed all of her allergies,
the number for poison control--
- she has allergies?
- Yes. These are Carly's
favorite foods, drinks,
soups, and chowders.
- Aren't soups and chowders the same thing?
- No, there's a distinction.
Uh, this is her homework
schedule and the number for a good tutor
'cause she's been havin'
some trouble with science.
Oh, and these are the vitamins
she needs to take every day.
I only give her the ones
shaped like dinosaurs.
- Why?
- Dinosaurs are cool.
Oh, she's really into drinking coffee...
But I always give her decaf
without telling her.
- What?
- Nothing.
Keep it.
- Thank you, Spencer.
This is, uh...Impressive.
- Wow, thanks.
- So, this is it.
- This is it.
- Be strong, Freddie.
- So, who's gonna take the blame when I put
live lobsters in the trunk
of miss Briggs' car?
- Will you at least try
to stay out of trouble?
- Nope.
- Well, we should go.
Long drive, lots of traffic.
- Okay. Well, I guess this is-- - noooo!
- Freddie, let go of my legs.
- I got 'im.
Sorry. Lost my cool for a sec there.
- Ya can't lose what ya never had.
- 'Kay. Let's go.
- Aren't you gonna say goodbye to Spencer?
- We already did before you came up.
- Okay then.
- Will you guys come down
to the lobby with me?
- Sure.
- 'Course.
- Aw, man!
- Wait!
Hello?! No, Freddie's
not here, Mrs. Benson.
I don't know when
I grew leg hair! I gotta go!
Wait!
- Waah! More people!
Aaah!
- Okay, the car's right out front.
Oh, young man, would you mind
getting the rest-- Carly! Wait!
You forgot this.
- What's that?
- My asthma inhaler?
I haven't had an asthma attack
since I was seven.
- Well, yeah, but y'know, ya never know.
- Why did you keep that all these years?
- In case she needed it.
- I'm not gonna need it.
- Take it.
Just in case.
- Nah. I'm not gonna need this.
- Look, asthma's tricky--
- I'm not gonna need this
because I want Carly to stay here with you.
- Are you serious?!
- Really?!
- Thank you! Thank you so much!
- Could somebody remove
this young man from my trousers?
Just remember,
I'll be dropping in on you guys
from time to time.
- Please!
- Anytime!
- 'Cause I still think
you're a bit of a nut-bar.
- Why? 'Cause I do this?
- Don't do that.
You do it like this.
- You guys are so embarrassing.
If you're gonna do it, do it right.
- Yaaaah!
- * a thousand miles, oh,
or a thousand kisses, yeah,
you still have to go and take your misses *
[captioning performed by peoplesupport
transcription and captioning]
- Mmm!